2 glasses of red to the good, peace & quiet, things are getting better.
I know, I know. It's more a status update than a blog post, but that's Just The Way I'm Feeling*.
That is all.
NDC
* - with thanks to Feeder. Definitely worth a YouTube search. You're welcome.
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Sunday, 2 September 2012
Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance
I'm not a forward planning kind of a guy.
Most events see me arriving monumentally unprepared for whatever it is I have had several hours/days/weeks/months to prepare for. Luckily for me I have a very positive outlook. Consequently my view of the resulting experience is usually along the lines of "well, given that I did fuck-all to prepare for that, it seemed to go OK".
But even I know that if you're standing in a queue, in a canteen, with a sandwich in your hand there is a pretty high likelihood that the lady sitting at the head of the queue behind the till-shaped object is going to be asking me for some money in the immediate future.
Apparently, the lady from marketing with the dubious taste in blouses and the cheese and pickle baguette is not equipped with this blindingly obvious snippet of information and is genuinely surprised when asked for £2.50.
She is also unaware of the location of her purse in the bag slung over her shoulder that clearly warps space-time to a degree that makes the tardis look like a £149 shed from B&Q, judging from the amount of time it takes to locate it.
If only it'd extend the temporal distortions out a few feet so that I could get my 10 minutes of lunchtime back.
NDC
Most events see me arriving monumentally unprepared for whatever it is I have had several hours/days/weeks/months to prepare for. Luckily for me I have a very positive outlook. Consequently my view of the resulting experience is usually along the lines of "well, given that I did fuck-all to prepare for that, it seemed to go OK".
But even I know that if you're standing in a queue, in a canteen, with a sandwich in your hand there is a pretty high likelihood that the lady sitting at the head of the queue behind the till-shaped object is going to be asking me for some money in the immediate future.
Apparently, the lady from marketing with the dubious taste in blouses and the cheese and pickle baguette is not equipped with this blindingly obvious snippet of information and is genuinely surprised when asked for £2.50.
She is also unaware of the location of her purse in the bag slung over her shoulder that clearly warps space-time to a degree that makes the tardis look like a £149 shed from B&Q, judging from the amount of time it takes to locate it.
If only it'd extend the temporal distortions out a few feet so that I could get my 10 minutes of lunchtime back.
NDC
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
A Thin Veneer
The weekend just past the IMA and I were up in Glasgow and had reason to visit a particular hotel. Along for the entertainment value were 50% of the kids - The Angry Pixie (as she has been dubbed by her elder sister) and TBW.
To give you an idea of the kind of establishment we're speaking about, they had gentlemen on the door. I am quite used to this type of arrangement, but in this case the gentlemen concerned were charged with welcoming people into the hotel and generally being pleasant and helpful, as opposed to the ones I am more used to. They are generally charged with making disparaging comments about your choice of footwear and/or belting you in the mouth for no apparent reason.
In short it was posh.
Very posh.
We were there to meet a very nice chap called John to discuss using their hotel for our wedding. We were shown around various rooms, discussed furniture-moving-about-on-the-day potential and even heard an interesting story about David Beckham. Eventually we retired to the lounge area and set about drinking fancy coffee, eating fancy shortbread biscuits and ironing out some of the detail of our requirements.
The subject of overnight rooms came up and we decided that a separate room for each of the kids was maybe a little extravagant, so sharing was on the cards.
At this point a gentleman who I would best describe as a ringer for The Major from Fawlty Towers came wandering in to the lounge with his wife and they settled themselves down on the large sofa in the bay window. Coffee and toast was served to them. They chatted between themselves in muted, well-to-do tones.
By now TBW has reached the end of his capacity to keep his thoughts to himself. He stated to John, in loud and happy tones, that he doesn't mind sharing with anybody. He points out that he doesn't snore.
I get worried.
He points out that Daddy doesn't snore either.
I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Although," he continues, "Daddy does sometimes trump in bed. It's really loud".
Mrs Thrumpton-Smythe on the sofa in the window dissolved into a fit of giggles, despite her breeding.
I bet the staff have to sign a non-disclosure agreement before Brooklyn Beckham is allowed to chat.
NDC
To give you an idea of the kind of establishment we're speaking about, they had gentlemen on the door. I am quite used to this type of arrangement, but in this case the gentlemen concerned were charged with welcoming people into the hotel and generally being pleasant and helpful, as opposed to the ones I am more used to. They are generally charged with making disparaging comments about your choice of footwear and/or belting you in the mouth for no apparent reason.
In short it was posh.
Very posh.
We were there to meet a very nice chap called John to discuss using their hotel for our wedding. We were shown around various rooms, discussed furniture-moving-about-on-the-day potential and even heard an interesting story about David Beckham. Eventually we retired to the lounge area and set about drinking fancy coffee, eating fancy shortbread biscuits and ironing out some of the detail of our requirements.
The subject of overnight rooms came up and we decided that a separate room for each of the kids was maybe a little extravagant, so sharing was on the cards.
At this point a gentleman who I would best describe as a ringer for The Major from Fawlty Towers came wandering in to the lounge with his wife and they settled themselves down on the large sofa in the bay window. Coffee and toast was served to them. They chatted between themselves in muted, well-to-do tones.
By now TBW has reached the end of his capacity to keep his thoughts to himself. He stated to John, in loud and happy tones, that he doesn't mind sharing with anybody. He points out that he doesn't snore.
I get worried.
He points out that Daddy doesn't snore either.
I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Although," he continues, "Daddy does sometimes trump in bed. It's really loud".
Mrs Thrumpton-Smythe on the sofa in the window dissolved into a fit of giggles, despite her breeding.
I bet the staff have to sign a non-disclosure agreement before Brooklyn Beckham is allowed to chat.
NDC
Friday, 24 August 2012
Ommm
There is a lady who works in my office. I’d guess she is early twenties, has very fashionable ‘geeky’ glasses and is always very cheerful.
We were having a conversation today and she told me that she was “half vegetarian”. Before I I got the chance to find out how such an arrangement would work, my assistant (who is enormously good value) asked how she was getting on with Buddhism.
“Oh I’ve learnt it all and it’s a bit dull.”
I bet the Dalai Lama feels like an amateur now.
NDC
We were having a conversation today and she told me that she was “half vegetarian”. Before I I got the chance to find out how such an arrangement would work, my assistant (who is enormously good value) asked how she was getting on with Buddhism.
“Oh I’ve learnt it all and it’s a bit dull.”
I bet the Dalai Lama feels like an amateur now.
NDC
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Hume With a View
Under normal circumstances I think I am fairly capable of dealing with the human condition. My personal philosophy (such as it is) contains a good deal of Epicurean influence, with a streak of Stoicism running through it. I generally lead a considered life.*
This pretty well translates as an outlook on life that allows me to enjoy things for what they are and have a good time with what I have. I genuinely feel massively fortunate to be where I am, to be with whom I’m with and to have such fantastic friends and family. My life is, frankly, fecking ace.
I think a major part of this is the approach of bending the world at large to my liking in areas where I can, but knowing which battles are unwinnable, knowing when pushing my view is just not appropriate or fair.
Ocassionally, however, something happens that is completely outside of my sphere of influence that I desperately want/need to change for the better,** something that fundamentally makes life worse for TBW. And I feel powerless.
The phrase “give me the strength to change those things I can and the serenity to accept those I can’t” is a mantra that I embrace under normal circumstances. At the moment, however, I think it’s probably best just to give me the serenity part, because if I’m given strength right now I’ll probably need bail money too.
NDC
* - Admittedly it is sometimes considered retrospectively.
** - yes, better in my opinion.
This pretty well translates as an outlook on life that allows me to enjoy things for what they are and have a good time with what I have. I genuinely feel massively fortunate to be where I am, to be with whom I’m with and to have such fantastic friends and family. My life is, frankly, fecking ace.
I think a major part of this is the approach of bending the world at large to my liking in areas where I can, but knowing which battles are unwinnable, knowing when pushing my view is just not appropriate or fair.
Ocassionally, however, something happens that is completely outside of my sphere of influence that I desperately want/need to change for the better,** something that fundamentally makes life worse for TBW. And I feel powerless.
The phrase “give me the strength to change those things I can and the serenity to accept those I can’t” is a mantra that I embrace under normal circumstances. At the moment, however, I think it’s probably best just to give me the serenity part, because if I’m given strength right now I’ll probably need bail money too.
NDC
* - Admittedly it is sometimes considered retrospectively.
** - yes, better in my opinion.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Ammunition
To be played in approximately 11.5 years, on a large screen, preferably as the film's subject is making his way down his 4th pint of Scruttock's Old Nasty at the bar with his mates at his 18th birthday bash.....
NDC
NDC
Ah, The Boy Wonder.
He's been on holiday with his mother over the last week or so. Details, as always, were sketchy on what exactly he got up to whilst away but when I asked him to tell me the best thing that happened, he was absolutely in no doubt.
"I threw pizza at a pig."
Well, who wouldn't love that?*
Anyway, he came over to us on Sunday when he got back and was just brilliant fun. He's become a little obsessed with a lego robot building game, but my attention span is a little shorter than his so I was bored after a couple of rounds. Here's the resulting Lego Robot Olympic Tribute Diorama:
.JPG)
The green one on the left is Usain Bolt, the red one on the right is Mo Farah. The cheery gap-toothed one at the back is the Olympic crowd.
NDC
* - The pig, presumably.
He's been on holiday with his mother over the last week or so. Details, as always, were sketchy on what exactly he got up to whilst away but when I asked him to tell me the best thing that happened, he was absolutely in no doubt.
"I threw pizza at a pig."
Well, who wouldn't love that?*
Anyway, he came over to us on Sunday when he got back and was just brilliant fun. He's become a little obsessed with a lego robot building game, but my attention span is a little shorter than his so I was bored after a couple of rounds. Here's the resulting Lego Robot Olympic Tribute Diorama:
.JPG)
The green one on the left is Usain Bolt, the red one on the right is Mo Farah. The cheery gap-toothed one at the back is the Olympic crowd.
NDC
* - The pig, presumably.
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