Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Importance of being, Ernest

A while ago, The Dad developed quite an interest in elephants. The first one turned up with fairly little ceremony and spent some time on a table in the lounge. He's always had an eclectic taste in 'stuff', so I thought no more about it.

Then a smaller one turned up and he started to get quite enthusiastic about the whole genre. He now will drop on any oppportunity to show off his collection of pachyderms like some slightly demented David Attenborough.

I should point out that these are carved wooden thingummys, although I wouldn't be entirely surprised if one day I turn up at his house and he's managed to source a real one from somewhere....

Yesterday he went for a CT scan.

Today we get the results.

Wish him luck, I know what I said a while ago about my family having a lucky streak, but if you have any to spare, please send it his way.

Failing that, send elephants.


Thursday, 4 August 2011

Non-Internet Porn

Just up the road from where I work there is an old fashioned corner shop/newsagents. The lovely old Indian couple who run it are great neighbours, they keep a good supply of all the things I need but am too disorganised to buy outside of working hours (tea, coffee, milk etc) and quite often slip me a free mango from their farm back home when they've been on a visit. In short, they're lovely.

They also keep a frankly bewildering variety of jazz mags in stock.

The naughty schoolboy in me can't help but have a crafty glance out of the corner of my eye as I walk past, but it amazes me that so many variations of one-handed literature can survive these days. Just type in anything even vaguely risque into google with 'safe search' set to 'off', and see how far you get before you see images that would make Courtney Love blush.

There is a gentleman that is regularly in the shop who is known within our business as 'Porn Bloke'. Everytime I see him in there he is loitering suspiciously close to the 'Special Interest' section, showing a strange interest in 'The Bumper Book of Sudoku' or whatever other innocuous publication happens to come to hand. Sometimes he's even holding them the right way up. He's about my age, so I guess he's reasonably computer savvy...

He was in there this afternoon when I went to buy some milk. I did think about asking his views on the survival of the offline porn industry, but he didn't look like he wanted to chat.


In Interesting Times

This morning The Dad had an appointment at the hospital to get some tests done on his chest. The word 'Asbestosis' had been bandied about by his GP, so listening to him coughing on and off last night did little to dispel the nagging voices of worry in the back of my mind. His cheery statement about sanding down sheets of Asbestos as an apprentice didn't help allay my concerns either.

To further enliven proceedings, he has Alzheimer's. I got him up in plenty of time to be picked up by The Mum* at 8.30 for a 9.15 appointment. Unfortunately I had to be in the office for 8.30 this morning so I had to leave his house around 8.00. He was suited, booted and ready to go. What could go wrong in half an hour?

Cue stressed out call from The Mum at 8.15.  She'd arrived to pick him up and the house was empty. Apparently he'd decided to head off to see his friend, having forgotten all about said appointment, but helpfully left his phone at home.

Once he'd been tracked down, all was well and the hospital is broadly happy that he's not going to keel over tomorrow (he finds it hilarious that they think he might).

All we have to do now is await the arrival of the initial test results and turn up for another couple of tests/scans in a couple of weeks. Good fortune runs in our family, so I know it'll be OK.


* If my parents were on facebook (and I thank my lucky stars that they're not), their relationship would definitely qualify as 'it's complicated'.