Reasons Why Turkey Is Ace.

• Why just import the leading brand get-pissed-quick alcohol for the holidaymakers when you can get a cheaper version with a name that will make it virtually indistinguishable from the original item and appeal to the Irish.

• On the drive to the airport, on a major route (pretty much the equivalent of a major A road in the UK) there is a tunnel with single carriageway in each direction. The incline through the tunnel is quite steep and on the uphill entrance is a sign with a picture of a horse and cart with a line through it, just in case you were tempted. I presume that the downhill stretch doesn't have this sign on the basis that you can load your horse into the cart and keep up with the flow of traffic.

• Of course four cars driving abreast will fit on a three lane road.

• The maximum number of passengers allowed by law on a moped appears to be a complex equation involving figures ascribed to the bravery of the potential passengers multiplied by the rider's sense of balance/adventure. Livestock appear to be a null value.

• If you fall off the edge of anything, you've only got yourself to blame.

• Dolmus'. They're brilliant for any number of reasons but are even funnier when the English are involved.

Drinking a Martini of an evening as the sun goes down is pretty excellent too. Roll on the next one.

NDC