Wednesday, 15 June 2011


The world has a funny way of ensuring proportionality.

I was driving through Leicester today on my way to see a customer. The journey takes me through one of the less salubrious areas of the town and there are quite often some sights to behold, but today's sat very nicely against yesterday's darkness concerning end-of-life arrangements.

Along a very busy main road there was a long backlog of traffic moving slowly towards me. At the head of this glacial procession was a mobility scooter, driven by a rather well-to-do looking elderly lady, complete with small dog on lead running beside it*. She was right in the middle of the actual road.

As we know, although mobility scooters have a top speed which is startlingly fast within the confines of the ready-meals aisle of Asda, they are not really up to the cut-and-thrust of the average ring road.

As I got closer I could see that the lady on the scooter was locked in a heated debate with the lady driving the car (at a very speed camera friendly rate) behind her. As I got closer still I learnt that it was not only heated but also quite shouty and hilariously foul-mouthed. All at 9mph. With obscene gestures to boot.

I drove on, cackling to myself, certain in the knowledge that Dignitas won't be getting my £10k. Oh no. I shall blow it all on a fancy scooter, a ridiculously small dog and a megaphone. Take my advice and avoid major routes in Leicester from 2040 onwards, there may be delays.


* - The small dog seems to be a common accesory. Are they provided with the scooter as an optional extra?


  1. Is it wrong that I really, really want the mobility scooter in your picture?

  2. Remember the fun of bumper cars at the fair when you were little....those scooters remind me of those...can imagine a few of them doing battle in a shopping mall....will you have your one 'pimped' up?

  3. AG - I believe it is a Toyota.

    Libby - Mine will be proper pimped, innit. Yo.

  4. Hilarious. There is a ghastly old bugger who lives near us (actually I think he lives in the local pub) gets sloshed and then swerves his mobility scooter down the middle of the road for miles. Local traffic is very patient. He hasn't got in front of me yet...

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