Wednesday, 15 June 2011
I was driving through Leicester today on my way to see a customer. The journey takes me through one of the less salubrious areas of the town and there are quite often some sights to behold, but today's sat very nicely against yesterday's darkness concerning end-of-life arrangements.
Along a very busy main road there was a long backlog of traffic moving slowly towards me. At the head of this glacial procession was a mobility scooter, driven by a rather well-to-do looking elderly lady, complete with small dog on lead running beside it*. She was right in the middle of the actual road.
As we know, although mobility scooters have a top speed which is startlingly fast within the confines of the ready-meals aisle of Asda, they are not really up to the cut-and-thrust of the average ring road.
As I got closer I could see that the lady on the scooter was locked in a heated debate with the lady driving the car (at a very speed camera friendly rate) behind her. As I got closer still I learnt that it was not only heated but also quite shouty and hilariously foul-mouthed. All at 9mph. With obscene gestures to boot.
I drove on, cackling to myself, certain in the knowledge that Dignitas won't be getting my £10k. Oh no. I shall blow it all on a fancy scooter, a ridiculously small dog and a megaphone. Take my advice and avoid major routes in Leicester from 2040 onwards, there may be delays.
* - The small dog seems to be a common accesory. Are they provided with the scooter as an optional extra?