Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Marketing. FFS.

I sometimes wonder just how far the marketing department's insidious influence will reach.

Today I learnt that even that last bastion of mundanity*, the very essence of unimaginativeness, the nadir of culinary flair that is the humble cheese sandwich will not escape their attention.

This is the packaging that contained my lunch.

I gave it a chance, I truly did. I left the thing sitting on my desk for a good ten minutes whilst I pondered how 2 slices of bread, some margarine and a sprinkling of cheese could possibly achieve the grandiose claims on the back of the pack.I can confirm:

  • It was fresh. - Fresh þ
  • I'm pretty sure many, many people have made a cheese sandwich before. - Innovative ý
  • It didn't pretend to be a feta and olive ciabbatta. - Honest þ
  • It didn't run around my desk shouting "Woohoo! I'm an excellent example of a cheese sandwich!!". It just kind of sat there. - Enthusiastic ý
  • It didn't give me a tenner. - Rewarding ý
  • It didn't tell me a single joke, anecdote or witty one-liner. - Fun ý
By my calculations, that's a 2:1 ratio of bullshit.I'll bet Marketeers across the world still thank their lucky stars for Carlill v Carbolic Smokeball Co.

As a cheese sandwich, however, it was very nice.


* - It is a real word, it's in NDC's Big Word Dictionary. available mailorder only, £39.99.


  1. Groan...sometimes marketing folk should just be shot...

  2. They should have used one simple word: cheesy, then all would be well.

  3. NB - I don't object to marketing per se, but I definitely think that there's a light side and a dark side. A bit like The Force.

    SB - Maybe they get paid by the word. I miss your blog by the way - sorry you had to go private....