Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Napoleon Dynamite.

Last night The Boy Wonder stayed over at Reality Towers. There was laughing and pizza and den building a go-go.

What follows is a classified transcript of the campaign briefing in the command centre* at Reality Towers, 19.05hrs zulu time.

++++Personnel present:++++

Commander Vert Wheeler (AKA The Boy Wonder)
Agent Bumblebee (AKA Daddy)
Corporal Doggy (AKA Doggy, a small soft toy)


Agent Bumblebee - OK Commander Vert, what's the plan?

Commander Vert Wheeler - Well, we'll drive around in our cars and then we'll drive into a big storm and fly and then we'll find the baddies and then we'll stop them from being badddies.

AB - That sounds like a brilliant plan, Commander. How will we stop them being baddies?

CVW - Well, we'll tell them that we don't like baddies and that we'll take away their cars and that we know Doctor Who and then we'll drive into the big storm and our cars will turn into robot planes and we'll fly away from the baddy boys.

AB - Sounds foolproof commander, let's go!

CVW - Yes! And then when we've beaten the baddies we can have a nice picnic.**

Corporal Doggy - Woof.

++++SitRep ends++++Classified+++++Eyes Only+++++

I'm no military expert, but I think as campaign strategies go this one was unorthodox to say the least.

Although, and maybe this is just my middle class upbringing, I do think that perhaps more of the world's conflicts would be settled more expediently if The Geneva Convention had a clause stating that all combatants would be taken on a picnic after hostilities are concluded.

After all, who wouldn't get a wiggle on to get to sit on a tartan blanket in the sunshine eating quiche a little bit earlier?


* - OK, the "command centre" was actually a kingsize duvet and 2 towels hung over a clothes airer.
** - At this point Agent Bumblebee almost forgot his military training and collapsed into a fit of giggles.


  1. Ah ha. This campaign may have more of a strategy than current efforts in Libya. Certainly Commander Vert Wheeler had a very clear idea of his objectives!

  2. It's just thinly-veiled Neuro Linguistic Programming NB, I'm hoping Colonel Gaddafi is a reader, and decides it's about time they all headed off to get stuck into some crusty bread and a cheeky Pinot Grigio.

    Just trying to do my bit for world peace.

  3. ..and good olives!
    Play away NDC...fun times and happy memories.

  4. Ah bless! Takes me back to when mine were little and all the den-building that went on out of sofa cushions and the like. Happy days!

  5. Libby - I would get short shrift if I tried to convince him olives were a good thing. Unless they come in a chocolate coated form of course.

    CQ - It was an absolute hoot! I had no idea planning military operations could be so much fun.